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literature
Incorrigible Refractability
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
i.
I haven't been well but you'd never be able to tell.
I have a bulge on the left side of my stomach and the doctors think it may be a hernia and maybe my kidney is trying to break through but I think it's a slab of my fat screaming for release. I go to the gym everyday but I know everybody stares and smiles because they all look so much better than me and there's the guy in the corner who waits until I glance over for him to lift more weight than the weight on my shoulders, just so he can make me feel a little worse about myself than I already do. So I stare and give him the satisfaction he prays for before bed every night and I go to my treadmill and put the speed on 9.0 hoping that maybe if I run fast enough, I can escape everyone's stares and the negativity poisoning my mind.
ii.
My smile's starting to fade but that's ok because it never looked that great.
The glue is trickling down my chin and my lips are hanging crooked and I'm not sure I can put on this act anymore. I never was much of an actor as it is. Nobody knows the real me but how can they when all I do is imprint a façade into their eyes, a mere false image of who I really am? Even the mirrors have noticed and reflect distorted displays of me with my ribs cracking open my sides as if I'm severely emaciated and my eyes are a different color and glazed over. I'm losing sight of who I am and becoming more in tune with who I pretend to be.
iii.
I wish you could see what's happening to me.
I'm starting to run out of time and my watch stopped ticking at exactly 11:11 to show me that no matter how many times I wish something, it will never come true. My eyelids are beginning to droop down and my throat is closing up and I can feel the acid in my stomach splashing against my insides. I never eat anymore because I can't [don't want to] hold anything down and all I ever drink is Jack Daniel's because it's the only thing strong enough to slide down my throat. Someone tried to point out that I'm anorexic and an alcoholic but they just don't understand. Nobody ever does.
I haven't been well but you'd never be able to tell.
I have a bulge on the left side of my stomach and the doctors think it may be a hernia and maybe my kidney is trying to break through but I think it's a slab of my fat screaming for release. I go to the gym everyday but I know everybody stares and smiles because they all look so much better than me and there's the guy in the corner who waits until I glance over for him to lift more weight than the weight on my shoulders, just so he can make me feel a little worse about myself than I already do. So I stare and give him the satisfaction he prays for before bed every night and I go to my treadmill and put the speed on 9.0 hoping that maybe if I run fast enough, I can escape everyone's stares and the negativity poisoning my mind.
ii.
My smile's starting to fade but that's ok because it never looked that great.
The glue is trickling down my chin and my lips are hanging crooked and I'm not sure I can put on this act anymore. I never was much of an actor as it is. Nobody knows the real me but how can they when all I do is imprint a façade into their eyes, a mere false image of who I really am? Even the mirrors have noticed and reflect distorted displays of me with my ribs cracking open my sides as if I'm severely emaciated and my eyes are a different color and glazed over. I'm losing sight of who I am and becoming more in tune with who I pretend to be.
iii.
I wish you could see what's happening to me.
I'm starting to run out of time and my watch stopped ticking at exactly 11:11 to show me that no matter how many times I wish something, it will never come true. My eyelids are beginning to droop down and my throat is closing up and I can feel the acid in my stomach splashing against my insides. I never eat anymore because I can't [don't want to] hold anything down and all I ever drink is Jack Daniel's because it's the only thing strong enough to slide down my throat. Someone tried to point out that I'm anorexic and an alcoholic but they just don't understand. Nobody ever does.
NOTE: title means firmly fixed way of seeing things. incorrigible means being firmly fixed and unable to change easily. refractability is the way light is refracted as it enters the eye as to form an image on the retina. so yeah. in case you were wondering. essentially the title means the image being percieved of me cannot be changed.
day ? in a row. it hardly matters anyways. i forgot how to write i think. not just write well, but write in general. the only piece of this i'm remotely satisfied with is the end.
the truth behind this is hidden in between syllables. in other words you gotta look for it to find it.
feedback on imagery, concept, format, ending, metaphors.
if you fave comment please. critiques are always welcome. if you try and steal my work, abd things will happen to you. if you download you best tell me why. if you have nothing nice to say, well go ahead and say it anyways. just be prepared for a response.
these words are my heart. i think.
day ? in a row. it hardly matters anyways. i forgot how to write i think. not just write well, but write in general. the only piece of this i'm remotely satisfied with is the end.
the truth behind this is hidden in between syllables. in other words you gotta look for it to find it.
feedback on imagery, concept, format, ending, metaphors.
if you fave comment please. critiques are always welcome. if you try and steal my work, abd things will happen to you. if you download you best tell me why. if you have nothing nice to say, well go ahead and say it anyways. just be prepared for a response.
these words are my heart. i think.
© 2010 - 2024 ksmsoccer89
Comments55
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i. I really like the line "...I go to my treadmill and put the speed on 9.0 hoping that maybe if I run fast enough, I can escape everyone's stares and the negativity poisoning my mind." I can't tell you how many times I've felt that way in a gym, or in any public place, really.
ii. "The glue is trickling down my chin and my lips are hanging crooked..." Such beautiful imagery!! You are brilliant, sir. Your character is starting to lose sight of himself, "I'm losing sight of who I am and becoming more in tune with who I pretend to be." (oh how I can relate to this!!) and you've really captured his/her degradation well, though I feel as if you could expand on those emotions and their physical manifestations a little more.
iii. "I wish you could see what's happening to me." I can't tell you how much that line means to me. I like the imagery of the stomach acid splashing on the narrators insides, and the ending is very powerful.
I really like the emotions in this piece and some of your lines do a beautiful job of capturing them. I can relate to those very well. As always, your imagery and metaphors were beautiful, but the flow seems a bit off to me. Maybe I'm just missing something, but I don't feel like the three sections fit together - or are they supposed to feel that way?
I'm glad you're sticking to your word of writing something every day, but if it's starting to take a toll on you, please don't feel like you can't take a break. Writing is supposed to be passionate and if you feel like it's sucking you dry, taking a few days for yourself might really refresh you and your mind. If you think that's all nonsense, then never mind me; I'm just worried about you.
ii. "The glue is trickling down my chin and my lips are hanging crooked..." Such beautiful imagery!! You are brilliant, sir. Your character is starting to lose sight of himself, "I'm losing sight of who I am and becoming more in tune with who I pretend to be." (oh how I can relate to this!!) and you've really captured his/her degradation well, though I feel as if you could expand on those emotions and their physical manifestations a little more.
iii. "I wish you could see what's happening to me." I can't tell you how much that line means to me. I like the imagery of the stomach acid splashing on the narrators insides, and the ending is very powerful.
I really like the emotions in this piece and some of your lines do a beautiful job of capturing them. I can relate to those very well. As always, your imagery and metaphors were beautiful, but the flow seems a bit off to me. Maybe I'm just missing something, but I don't feel like the three sections fit together - or are they supposed to feel that way?
I'm glad you're sticking to your word of writing something every day, but if it's starting to take a toll on you, please don't feel like you can't take a break. Writing is supposed to be passionate and if you feel like it's sucking you dry, taking a few days for yourself might really refresh you and your mind. If you think that's all nonsense, then never mind me; I'm just worried about you.