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Literature Text
i.
What the fuck were you thinking?
I was scared and knew you deserved better.
They were 14 and freshman in high school and all he had ever wanted was to stand out.
When he was 7, he still didn't know how to tie his shoes and everyone made fun of him for it.
When he was 10, he had a panic attack because a bee was buzzing in his face and everyone made fun of him for it. They didn't know he was deathly allergic to the damn things and apparently they didn't really care to know.
When he was 12, he was shy and insecure and didn't want to shower with the rest of the guys in the locker room and everyone made fun of him for it. They even shoved him in a locker and laughed in his face and made sure he knew he was a midget. As if he didn't already know.
When he was 13, he broke his ankle at soccer practice and his coach told him to stop whining and get back on the field and everyone made fun of the boot he had on his foot the next day. Because guess what? He had broken his ankle; thanks coach.
Then he turned 14 and started high school and he liked her and she thought he was cute. He was timid and she made him feel uncomfortable and he never knew what to say and that always made her giggle. Truth was, they could enjoy each other's silence just as much as if they were talking. But he was young and was afraid he was going to get hurt and thought he was falling in love with her so he got scared. I mean, he got really scared. His words would get lodged In his throat and his legs would give out for no reason and he would bump into things as if they weren't really there. He thought it was really embarrassing and he made a fool of himself much too often but she would just laugh and plant a kiss on his cheek. They were perfect and happy and in love. They broke up after only 3 months.
He waited over 3 years for his next real relationship partly because soccer and school took up too much of his time, partly because he was too picky and didn't want to date just any girl that was interested in him (which was a lot in case you were wondering), but mainly because he was pathetic and unable to move on from a relationship with a girl who moved away the next school year and that he never even kissed, but it was his first relationship and she was way out of his league and he knew he would never find another girl like her.
------
ii.
I think I love you. I really do.
I can't do this anymore. It's too hard for me and you deserve better.
He was a senior now and the new girl was 2 grades younger than him and was nothing like the previous girl, except for the fact she thought he was cute and for some reason, still beyond his comprehension, she really liked him. It took him most of first semester to even realize she was interested and he only found out because her best friend decided to tell him. He never was very observant or intuitive and certainly didn't know the first thing about girls. His family loved her and her family loved him and they really were a picture perfect couple. He would go to lunch with her and her little sister and brother and everything was so simple and easy then. They were together almost every day and even when they weren't it still felt like they were between all of the IM's and texts and late-night phone calls. For her birthday he bought her Pride & Prejudice (her favorite movie and actually one of his as well), made her a CD with some of his favorite songs, and wrote her something. He always was good when it came to gifts and she thought it was very thoughtful and told him it was her best birthday ever. He wonders now if she still believes that.
For Christmas he bought her a heart-shaped necklace with faith, love, and hope engraved around the edges and she bought him a fuzzy, green blanket that to this day he still sleeps under every night. Some things never lose their meaning and sometimes their meaning even increases after the fact. Later that week she told him she loved him and he knew he was going far away to college the next year and was scared and thought it better they end it now, rather than get too attached and have it go awry when he left for school. She was the first girl he ever broke and it hurt him so much he sewed his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to watch. They lasted for a little over 3 months but every now and then he still thinks of her and wonders what if he hadn't run away.
------
iii.
Why are you doing this? I don't understand. Please don't do this.
This isn't working out. You'll understand later.
He was a freshman in college and wasn't even used to living away from home when he met her. He had learned how to work fast and for once the first girl that caught his eye, caught his as well. She was a dancer and adorable and had the best smile ever. You may think it cliché but she was much deeper than any stupid cliché. He had Calculus with her and she was the only reason the class was bearable for him. He was horrible at math and the teacher never explained things well and his favorite letter had become C. They would study together all the time, well whenever he wasn't too busy napping. She would study Calculus problems and he would study her dimples and the way her eyes changed colors depending on her mood. Green when she was nervous, brown when she was upset, a hazel when something was on her mind, and blue (oh god the brightest blue you've ever seen) when she had just pulled her lips away from his. She was his first kiss and second and third and so many more. She was a Buckeye fan and he learned to be one and they really fit well together, much like a puzzle missing the last piece because someone was too careless to put it back in the box. He would go and party with his boys while she would stay back and do whatever girls do with their girls and even when he came back drunk, she would still let him spend the night. She didn't judge him and never once did she try and change him but she always was unable to trust him. He even let her meet his sister and wanted to bring her home for thanksgiving and opened up to her more than he had with any other person, but she always had trust issues and he couldn't handle it. She loved him and he actually loved her too, but he needed time to think and she still needed time to find herself, so she turned into broken heart number two. They dated for 4 months and he now wishes it would have been longer.
------
iv.
I'm tired of you getting upset over things I have no control over. Just stop. I'm not doing this anymore.
Please don't do this. I love you and I need you. I'm sorry I was so horrible and I'll change, I promise.
It's too late.
The next girl isn't really worth wasting anymore words than necessary over because it still hurts him way too much. His heart is fucking twisted inside him and his lungs scream fuck you because they're tired of working and his ribs want to split his skin because he hardly ever eats anymore. She said she needed to find herself causing him to lose who he thought he was. It's been months and he is finally getting over her now but she will always have a part of him, whether she wants it or not. Truth is, she probably threw it away a long time ago.
------
v.
One, two, and now three
hearts broken, now please feel free
do the same to me.
------
vi.
What the fuck was I thinking?
What the fuck were you thinking?
I was scared and knew you deserved better.
They were 14 and freshman in high school and all he had ever wanted was to stand out.
When he was 7, he still didn't know how to tie his shoes and everyone made fun of him for it.
When he was 10, he had a panic attack because a bee was buzzing in his face and everyone made fun of him for it. They didn't know he was deathly allergic to the damn things and apparently they didn't really care to know.
When he was 12, he was shy and insecure and didn't want to shower with the rest of the guys in the locker room and everyone made fun of him for it. They even shoved him in a locker and laughed in his face and made sure he knew he was a midget. As if he didn't already know.
When he was 13, he broke his ankle at soccer practice and his coach told him to stop whining and get back on the field and everyone made fun of the boot he had on his foot the next day. Because guess what? He had broken his ankle; thanks coach.
Then he turned 14 and started high school and he liked her and she thought he was cute. He was timid and she made him feel uncomfortable and he never knew what to say and that always made her giggle. Truth was, they could enjoy each other's silence just as much as if they were talking. But he was young and was afraid he was going to get hurt and thought he was falling in love with her so he got scared. I mean, he got really scared. His words would get lodged In his throat and his legs would give out for no reason and he would bump into things as if they weren't really there. He thought it was really embarrassing and he made a fool of himself much too often but she would just laugh and plant a kiss on his cheek. They were perfect and happy and in love. They broke up after only 3 months.
He waited over 3 years for his next real relationship partly because soccer and school took up too much of his time, partly because he was too picky and didn't want to date just any girl that was interested in him (which was a lot in case you were wondering), but mainly because he was pathetic and unable to move on from a relationship with a girl who moved away the next school year and that he never even kissed, but it was his first relationship and she was way out of his league and he knew he would never find another girl like her.
------
ii.
I think I love you. I really do.
I can't do this anymore. It's too hard for me and you deserve better.
He was a senior now and the new girl was 2 grades younger than him and was nothing like the previous girl, except for the fact she thought he was cute and for some reason, still beyond his comprehension, she really liked him. It took him most of first semester to even realize she was interested and he only found out because her best friend decided to tell him. He never was very observant or intuitive and certainly didn't know the first thing about girls. His family loved her and her family loved him and they really were a picture perfect couple. He would go to lunch with her and her little sister and brother and everything was so simple and easy then. They were together almost every day and even when they weren't it still felt like they were between all of the IM's and texts and late-night phone calls. For her birthday he bought her Pride & Prejudice (her favorite movie and actually one of his as well), made her a CD with some of his favorite songs, and wrote her something. He always was good when it came to gifts and she thought it was very thoughtful and told him it was her best birthday ever. He wonders now if she still believes that.
For Christmas he bought her a heart-shaped necklace with faith, love, and hope engraved around the edges and she bought him a fuzzy, green blanket that to this day he still sleeps under every night. Some things never lose their meaning and sometimes their meaning even increases after the fact. Later that week she told him she loved him and he knew he was going far away to college the next year and was scared and thought it better they end it now, rather than get too attached and have it go awry when he left for school. She was the first girl he ever broke and it hurt him so much he sewed his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to watch. They lasted for a little over 3 months but every now and then he still thinks of her and wonders what if he hadn't run away.
------
iii.
Why are you doing this? I don't understand. Please don't do this.
This isn't working out. You'll understand later.
He was a freshman in college and wasn't even used to living away from home when he met her. He had learned how to work fast and for once the first girl that caught his eye, caught his as well. She was a dancer and adorable and had the best smile ever. You may think it cliché but she was much deeper than any stupid cliché. He had Calculus with her and she was the only reason the class was bearable for him. He was horrible at math and the teacher never explained things well and his favorite letter had become C. They would study together all the time, well whenever he wasn't too busy napping. She would study Calculus problems and he would study her dimples and the way her eyes changed colors depending on her mood. Green when she was nervous, brown when she was upset, a hazel when something was on her mind, and blue (oh god the brightest blue you've ever seen) when she had just pulled her lips away from his. She was his first kiss and second and third and so many more. She was a Buckeye fan and he learned to be one and they really fit well together, much like a puzzle missing the last piece because someone was too careless to put it back in the box. He would go and party with his boys while she would stay back and do whatever girls do with their girls and even when he came back drunk, she would still let him spend the night. She didn't judge him and never once did she try and change him but she always was unable to trust him. He even let her meet his sister and wanted to bring her home for thanksgiving and opened up to her more than he had with any other person, but she always had trust issues and he couldn't handle it. She loved him and he actually loved her too, but he needed time to think and she still needed time to find herself, so she turned into broken heart number two. They dated for 4 months and he now wishes it would have been longer.
------
iv.
I'm tired of you getting upset over things I have no control over. Just stop. I'm not doing this anymore.
Please don't do this. I love you and I need you. I'm sorry I was so horrible and I'll change, I promise.
It's too late.
The next girl isn't really worth wasting anymore words than necessary over because it still hurts him way too much. His heart is fucking twisted inside him and his lungs scream fuck you because they're tired of working and his ribs want to split his skin because he hardly ever eats anymore. She said she needed to find herself causing him to lose who he thought he was. It's been months and he is finally getting over her now but she will always have a part of him, whether she wants it or not. Truth is, she probably threw it away a long time ago.
------
v.
One, two, and now three
hearts broken, now please feel free
do the same to me.
------
vi.
What the fuck was I thinking?
Literature
dont write under the influence
Dr. Asclepius called me;
he told me i'm bipolar
(i still say it's luxuria)
My prescription?
Fucking medicine.
Take two pills:
Doctor's Orders
(as if anyone actually
obeys those, anyway)
Take another pill.
One for each time
you looked at me,
then two more if
i had looked back.
i'll take one more for that time you
branded fake
Literature
thank you.
for being there when i really needed you
and always standing right by my side
for always having somewhere i can run to
so i never feel like i have to hide...
i want to thank you for what you've done
for me over all these years
you know, you've always been the one
who can wipe away my tears
so thanks for being such a great friend
and sticking it out, when things were bad
i know you'll stand by me 'til the end
you're the best friend i've ever had
Literature
Circles
I'm on the cold floor at the foot of the bed, slumped resignedly against the mattress. My stringy, black hair hangs feebly over my pale face and I stare, eyes blank and glassy, at the bare, off-white wall. I start suddenly, as his strong hand lands on my shoulder. I can't even muster the energy or desire to look up into his eyes, which I can picture, warm brown and laced with concern. His hands trail down, over my shoulder blades, jutting from my hunched back, and stop halfway down.
With one finger, he draws circles on my cold skin, "Do you know what's special about circles, my love?" he asks, whispers seeming too loud in my empty mind.
I l
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sorry for this being so long. thank you to those of you who take the time to read it.
and im not being negative. i know this one isnt that great. its definitely not near my best. this is day 5 of me writing something each day. so far so good!
note: his words are in bold. all of the girls words are in italics. at the end is another haiku.
critiques please. for once thank you. and comment if you fave please. i like to know why you liked it. a simple i really liked this because its pretty would make me happy.
i would like feedback on the flow, concept, and metaphors.
and im not being negative. i know this one isnt that great. its definitely not near my best. this is day 5 of me writing something each day. so far so good!
note: his words are in bold. all of the girls words are in italics. at the end is another haiku.
critiques please. for once thank you. and comment if you fave please. i like to know why you liked it. a simple i really liked this because its pretty would make me happy.
i would like feedback on the flow, concept, and metaphors.
© 2010 - 2024 ksmsoccer89
Comments24
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Originality Technique ImpactI really like this. I love the way you go from his first relationship to the one that is, currently, his last. It's a really great development of his character.
I think you developed the character really well considering you did only through his past relationships. I think I get a very good feeling of who this person is. I also think the rambling sentences you sometimes lapse into actually really add to the piece. Because when you are in love or "in love," you do ramble a lot.
One thing I'm not a huge fan of is the dialogue at the beginning of each part. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but I never know who's talking. I have to guess. And I'm not a huge fan of that.
Also, part iv is incredibly confusing to me. I don't know what happened, who broke up with who, etc and it's a little bothersome. It gives me questions.
Sorry, one more thing. I think the ending is more powerful without part vi. I think that short verse is a more powerful ending than the question.